you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
