Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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