Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
