I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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