That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this just has baby written all over it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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