im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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