moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
