i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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