OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
