Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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