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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I got inside last night via doggy door
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
