the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
