i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
