That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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