it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
