The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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