We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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