Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize