I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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