Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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