He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you will always have a special place in my vag
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
