I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
