Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
