I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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