Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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