is wine microwaveable?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
