you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
