I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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