I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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