Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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