She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
