Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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