i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We need to rekindle our bromance
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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