Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Bring me that man meat
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
