I hate all girls vehemently.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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