wat bout pragnant strippers??
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
