I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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