:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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