In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
