Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
