When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
