sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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