If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
