so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
