im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
