its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize