I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
As shirtless as possible
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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