Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
