Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
