i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
