when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it because I queefed?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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