Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
