It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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