You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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