i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
