i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
