She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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