her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think your dad took our porno
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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