Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
