I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
