I wish life had little blips of pornography
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize