Non-Jews are for practice
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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