I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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