i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
