Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
