Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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