the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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