Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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