I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
