I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
