the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize