I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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