Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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