Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
