I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
