There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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