Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
