so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
