I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
