I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
