Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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