oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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