So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
