I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
