After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i out mim tonsoeep
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
