i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
