Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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