he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
