if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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