My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wish there were birth control emojis
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
