Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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