So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
