the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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