Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
