Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize