apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
