I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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