OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
