Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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