I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
