She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
