The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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