just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You have to summon your inner elephant
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
