Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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