every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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