We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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