Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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