Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
